After leaving P's 4 month well check, R says " You know, if I wanted to eat at McDonalds, I would. I'm just being nice by letting you take me to Chuck E Cheese. You should probably say Thank You!"
Oh dear...
Monday, October 31, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Tea For Tuesday
Today is Tuesday...
And after months of being "gone", I'd like to invite you in.
For what? Tea for Tuesdays that Christi at GreyUmbrella hosts.
And I've got lots to choose from today since I just went to the grocery store yesterday. So, please, have some butter toffee coffee, sweet iced tea, Fresca, Orange Juice, Capri Suns, V8 juice.....
Well, since we last talked, lots has happened...
I didn't run my marathon.
I made a whirlwind trip home to meet a special person.
My son started TBall.
I got a job.
I enrolled my son in PreK (is he really that old?)
My son learned to swim the length of the pool on his own.
I questioned my faith in God.
I really could keep going....
But I guess what you really care about is that we found out we are adopting again.
It really was a shock. Totally out of the blue. A true, chance meeting set in motion by God.
We are going to have a little girl and she'll be here in July.
Her birthmother and I have become friends, and I know that God set this whole thing in motion.
I don't want to say too much, because as with all adoptions, just because someone says they want you to adopt, there are things that can happen. Even with an agency, the birthmother can back out. She has 48 hours to sign away her rights. The birthfather can disagree to the adoption...there really are so many things. So basically, you can't say its for real "for real" until you are driving away with the baby in your car.
I have so longed for this baby and honestly thought she wasn't going to come. I really was happy and content with it being "Rasor, Party of Three". I had gotten to that point. My heart was content, my heart was happy with just us three. And then she came along and to be honest, I had to really, really think about it.
For so long I had wanted her, yet the moment someone wanted me to have her, I was unsure. It had taken me YEARS to get to where I was and literally, days after I was content with Rasor Party of Three, it was now becoming Party of Four.
I've struggled in my faith over the last few months as well. I can't quite put my finger on it and I am not so ready to put some of those feelings out there for the world, but I've hit a low valley. To be quite honest, I don't know that I've ever had some of these feelings. I'm working through them, but it's rough. It is rough to question everything you've thought and known for almost your whole life...
One thing that's helped is the new church we've been visiting. It's like a breath of fresh air. Finally, something in this big city feels like home, feels right, feels like where we are supposed to be. So we are getting plugged in, starting to find our way there.
And I couldn't be more excited.
Life is moving...and I'm happy.
Truly happy.
And after months of being "gone", I'd like to invite you in.
For what? Tea for Tuesdays that Christi at GreyUmbrella hosts.
And I've got lots to choose from today since I just went to the grocery store yesterday. So, please, have some butter toffee coffee, sweet iced tea, Fresca, Orange Juice, Capri Suns, V8 juice.....
Well, since we last talked, lots has happened...
I didn't run my marathon.
I made a whirlwind trip home to meet a special person.
My son started TBall.
I got a job.
I enrolled my son in PreK (is he really that old?)
My son learned to swim the length of the pool on his own.
I questioned my faith in God.
I really could keep going....
But I guess what you really care about is that we found out we are adopting again.
It really was a shock. Totally out of the blue. A true, chance meeting set in motion by God.
We are going to have a little girl and she'll be here in July.
Her birthmother and I have become friends, and I know that God set this whole thing in motion.
I don't want to say too much, because as with all adoptions, just because someone says they want you to adopt, there are things that can happen. Even with an agency, the birthmother can back out. She has 48 hours to sign away her rights. The birthfather can disagree to the adoption...there really are so many things. So basically, you can't say its for real "for real" until you are driving away with the baby in your car.
I have so longed for this baby and honestly thought she wasn't going to come. I really was happy and content with it being "Rasor, Party of Three". I had gotten to that point. My heart was content, my heart was happy with just us three. And then she came along and to be honest, I had to really, really think about it.
For so long I had wanted her, yet the moment someone wanted me to have her, I was unsure. It had taken me YEARS to get to where I was and literally, days after I was content with Rasor Party of Three, it was now becoming Party of Four.
I've struggled in my faith over the last few months as well. I can't quite put my finger on it and I am not so ready to put some of those feelings out there for the world, but I've hit a low valley. To be quite honest, I don't know that I've ever had some of these feelings. I'm working through them, but it's rough. It is rough to question everything you've thought and known for almost your whole life...
One thing that's helped is the new church we've been visiting. It's like a breath of fresh air. Finally, something in this big city feels like home, feels right, feels like where we are supposed to be. So we are getting plugged in, starting to find our way there.
And I couldn't be more excited.
Life is moving...and I'm happy.
Truly happy.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
My hands are holding you...
When I was a kid, I attended a very small church, with a very close group of core friends who were all my same age. We often were given scripture memory from our various Sunday School teachers through the years and I vividly remember a point in time when the 4 of us thought it was so funny to know the shortest verse in the Bible, John 11:35 - "Jesus wept."
I had no idea at the time what that verse meant other than Jesus cried. And to be honest, I haven't thought of it since way back then.
Skip forward to today. We are attending a church who is in the middle of a series called "A Big Faith" where we are looking at how to have faith in the storms of life and what that faith can do for you when you are looking at the situation from the outside.
Today the passage came from John 11 and was talking about when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. I write notes in my Bible and had obviously previously heard a sermon on this same subject. I had written reasons why God might not have immediately answered Mary and Martha's pleas to do something to keep Lazarus alive. Today, though, something different spoke to me.
When Jesus went into the tomb to see Lazarus' dead body, even though he was warned against it due to it being a 4-day old dead body, he spent time weeping. I fully believe that he wept to show us, he felt that pain too.
When my dad was dying and died I was so angry. I was 25 years old, had been married for one month. My dad was a young 45 years old. When he was first diagnosed with cancer, we were told they "got it all" in his first surgery and that everything was well on course for him to beat this disease. However, in 2 short years, it took his life.
I was angry at God. Had God not heard our cries and prayers? Had God not heard his? He begged God to rid him of this disease so he could continue to live his life, meet his one day grandchildren, travel with my mom, the list goes on....
There are times I still get very emotional about my dad. A song at church is often what sets the tears in motion. When I am in the middle of worshipping my God, I am reminded of my dad and grow angry, right there in the pew at why it has been almost 6 long years without him.
However, after sitting through that sermon, and really, really understanding the passage, I realize that just like Mary and Martha, I feel like God could have done something to reverse or heal my dad of his cancer. We all cried out to God in hopes that he would do just that. And I fully believe God could've healed my dad, that he would and could still be here, had that been part of God's plan.
However, as I sometimes go to the place of anger and "why" I now understand that Jesus loved too. He loved Lazarus and he wept at his passing. He spent time in the tomb to weep for his loved one.
And the story doesn't end there. He raised Lazarus from the dead so that we may believe. SO THAT WE MAY BELIEVE. What a powerful thing.
Now, I know that the story didn't end the way I wanted. He didn't raise my dad from the dead, he didn't cure him from this horrible disease, but he hurt just like me. He never promised that he would give me all that I wanted or prayed for, but he did promise to walk with me through it. He promised to walk with me, through it, to see me through it, even 6 years after the fact, God can still take my anger.
During the invitation, they played the following song, and I cried like a baby because for the first time in 6 years, I realized that God wants to walk through the valley of my feelings of my dads death with me.....
I had no idea at the time what that verse meant other than Jesus cried. And to be honest, I haven't thought of it since way back then.
Skip forward to today. We are attending a church who is in the middle of a series called "A Big Faith" where we are looking at how to have faith in the storms of life and what that faith can do for you when you are looking at the situation from the outside.
Today the passage came from John 11 and was talking about when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. I write notes in my Bible and had obviously previously heard a sermon on this same subject. I had written reasons why God might not have immediately answered Mary and Martha's pleas to do something to keep Lazarus alive. Today, though, something different spoke to me.
When Jesus went into the tomb to see Lazarus' dead body, even though he was warned against it due to it being a 4-day old dead body, he spent time weeping. I fully believe that he wept to show us, he felt that pain too.
When my dad was dying and died I was so angry. I was 25 years old, had been married for one month. My dad was a young 45 years old. When he was first diagnosed with cancer, we were told they "got it all" in his first surgery and that everything was well on course for him to beat this disease. However, in 2 short years, it took his life.
I was angry at God. Had God not heard our cries and prayers? Had God not heard his? He begged God to rid him of this disease so he could continue to live his life, meet his one day grandchildren, travel with my mom, the list goes on....
There are times I still get very emotional about my dad. A song at church is often what sets the tears in motion. When I am in the middle of worshipping my God, I am reminded of my dad and grow angry, right there in the pew at why it has been almost 6 long years without him.
However, after sitting through that sermon, and really, really understanding the passage, I realize that just like Mary and Martha, I feel like God could have done something to reverse or heal my dad of his cancer. We all cried out to God in hopes that he would do just that. And I fully believe God could've healed my dad, that he would and could still be here, had that been part of God's plan.
However, as I sometimes go to the place of anger and "why" I now understand that Jesus loved too. He loved Lazarus and he wept at his passing. He spent time in the tomb to weep for his loved one.
And the story doesn't end there. He raised Lazarus from the dead so that we may believe. SO THAT WE MAY BELIEVE. What a powerful thing.
Now, I know that the story didn't end the way I wanted. He didn't raise my dad from the dead, he didn't cure him from this horrible disease, but he hurt just like me. He never promised that he would give me all that I wanted or prayed for, but he did promise to walk with me through it. He promised to walk with me, through it, to see me through it, even 6 years after the fact, God can still take my anger.
During the invitation, they played the following song, and I cried like a baby because for the first time in 6 years, I realized that God wants to walk through the valley of my feelings of my dads death with me.....
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Did you know?
I am training for a 1/2 Marathon.
My son was adopted. God's hand was evident through the whole process and it is very evident that Reese was created just for our family. Funny how that works.
My quiet time really is the only "me" time I have everyday.
I love to try new recipes.
I cook everyday/night except Sunday. We eat out both meals that day.
Houston and the surronding area serve their hot sauce "warm". It really is gross. I just want some cold or even room temperature hot sauce. Mexican food here is so different from home.
My son is named after my dad, Kenny, who died on my one month wedding anniversary. My nephew is also named after my dad.
I got married twice.
To the same man.
I always get a crazy look when I say that.
My sister got married twice.
To the same man.
She gets crazy looks too.
My cousin, Ashley, came to live with my family when she was 5. I was 17, my sister was 13. She lived with our family until she decided she wanted to live with her dad again when she was 13.
I will have my first of many colonoscopies this year.
My dad and an aunt died of colon cancer.
This is the reason that at 30 I will start the screening process.
Statistics say that either me or my sister will get colon cancer.
I pray that we beat that statistic.
I'm from a town in the panhandle.
I've lived in 3 towns in West Texas.
I'm not in the Greater Houston Area.
Never thought I'd say this, but I like the big city life.
Went to my first fancy, fancy, fancy "big city" restauraunt this week. All it did was confirm that I am a West Texas girl and Outback has perfectly good food.
Don't get me wrong, the food was great, I'm just a plumbers daughter and we didn't do fancy.
And I'm ok with that because fancy just ain't me.
My son has a biological sister and brother.
So, not only is he an only child, but he's a middle child.
I will do whatever is in my power if he wants to meet his biological family someday.
I pray now that I can handle it if and when he comes to me and wants to find them.
I taught my husbands brother when he was an 8th grader.
He was in my very first class when I started teaching.
He is a different kid at home and at school.
Now that he's in college, he's completely different from those two people too!
My husband was adopted.
I love that my son has something to share with his dad.
Makes me the oddball in the house.
I live in a two story house.
This is the first and last time that will happen.
We've only been here 2 months.
I got a long time to learn to love those stairs.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Good morning!
time for tea.
except today, we're having coffee.
no you can't have something else.
we've having coffee and then we're trying to go back to bed!
you see, i was up all night with this cute little guy.
he almost coughed his head off.
since we're new in town, i haven't really figured out how our new pedi's office works.
i did speak to the nurse and she said bring him in.
so i did.
his eyes were draining puss, he was coughing up a lung, and a green stream fell from his nose.
all the "stand in" dr cared about was his little rash. a rash that is literally one of those rashes that show up, don't itch, but just make you look red. no meds will help, you just have to let it run its course.
i continued to ask about the other things, the things that really concerned me, to which she ignored. we won't be her "stand in" patients again, i tell ya!
i could go on, but i won't. however, my long night insisted of sleeping in his twin bed with him, making shadow puppets at 3:20 this morning. thats the things of memories, guys.
and honestly, i'm in a bad mood from lack of sleep. and to top it off, garrett is being recognized as the top salesman for all of houston texas and surrounding tonight at a work function. he has to go. i need to go. but you see, when "stand in" didn't give me some meds for my sick boy, it makes it hard for me to want to leave him with a babysitter for the first time since living here.
luckily its his playschool teachers daughter, and they live close, so i trust the situation...we'll see if i go.
but since you came by for tea/coffee, i'd tell you that we are trying to find a sunday school class at church and i kind of feel like i'm in high school again. trying to meet people, trying to make friends in a new place, wanting them to like us...it's hard. but as an adult, its way worse, because first and foremost on my mind is reese. i want friends who have kids that are a good fit for reese. that's like a whole new level of friendship.....
i'd tell you that i want an at home job. one where i can make $1000 a month. know where i can make that happen?
then i'd wrap up by telling you that i've finally realized that to become the mother and wife i want to be, i must, no matter what spend time with Jesus every morning. (i haven't yet this morning, hence the ugly attitude above). seriously, it'll getcha everytime! he makes my heart right and thats a good thing.
i'd get up from the table, yawn a big yawn, stretch a big stretch, and tell you i'm headed upstairs to check and see if reese still has a lung and that i'm going to try to get him to lay down....
please come again next week, it'll be better ;)
except today, we're having coffee.
no you can't have something else.
we've having coffee and then we're trying to go back to bed!
you see, i was up all night with this cute little guy.
he almost coughed his head off.
since we're new in town, i haven't really figured out how our new pedi's office works.
i did speak to the nurse and she said bring him in.
so i did.
his eyes were draining puss, he was coughing up a lung, and a green stream fell from his nose.
all the "stand in" dr cared about was his little rash. a rash that is literally one of those rashes that show up, don't itch, but just make you look red. no meds will help, you just have to let it run its course.
i continued to ask about the other things, the things that really concerned me, to which she ignored. we won't be her "stand in" patients again, i tell ya!
i could go on, but i won't. however, my long night insisted of sleeping in his twin bed with him, making shadow puppets at 3:20 this morning. thats the things of memories, guys.
and honestly, i'm in a bad mood from lack of sleep. and to top it off, garrett is being recognized as the top salesman for all of houston texas and surrounding tonight at a work function. he has to go. i need to go. but you see, when "stand in" didn't give me some meds for my sick boy, it makes it hard for me to want to leave him with a babysitter for the first time since living here.
luckily its his playschool teachers daughter, and they live close, so i trust the situation...we'll see if i go.
but since you came by for tea/coffee, i'd tell you that we are trying to find a sunday school class at church and i kind of feel like i'm in high school again. trying to meet people, trying to make friends in a new place, wanting them to like us...it's hard. but as an adult, its way worse, because first and foremost on my mind is reese. i want friends who have kids that are a good fit for reese. that's like a whole new level of friendship.....
i'd tell you that i want an at home job. one where i can make $1000 a month. know where i can make that happen?
then i'd wrap up by telling you that i've finally realized that to become the mother and wife i want to be, i must, no matter what spend time with Jesus every morning. (i haven't yet this morning, hence the ugly attitude above). seriously, it'll getcha everytime! he makes my heart right and thats a good thing.
i'd get up from the table, yawn a big yawn, stretch a big stretch, and tell you i'm headed upstairs to check and see if reese still has a lung and that i'm going to try to get him to lay down....
please come again next week, it'll be better ;)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Back again, so soon?
It's time for Tea...but we're in a hurry....we're headed to Bible Study, so a trip through Sonic will have to work for today....order whatever you want, my treat!
I'd tell you that I've really been struggling with the fact that I can't have another baby...I mean, or even one. My son was adopted and he is perfect and everything surrounding bringing him home is perfect and I see the hand of God on the whole situation, but I'd by lying if I said I didn't yearn for another one. Combined with the fact that people around me are growing bellies at the speed of light, this thing is consuming me. So I gave it over to God...and in His time I'll have another or I won't. And I'm learning to be ok with that. It's been a process since 2005 when I had the surgery that put me in this position.
I'd tell you that I'm enjoying my quiet time. I really am enjoying it and I wish that I wouldn't have let so much time go by since I've truly and honestly sought out the Lord and his plan and will for my life. Its such a good thing...
I'd tell you that training for this 1/2 marathon is no laughing matter and there are days I want to run right back into the house, but I will do it. When it gets tough, I imagine my dad sitting in the hospital receiving chemo via needles, something he hated with a passion. And I think to myself, if my dad could endure that pain for 2 years, surely I can run a few more minutes. Besides, he is my motivation and I am running in his honor....
I'd tell you this song is really speaking to me right now.....so I'd want you to enjoy it too.
I'd tell you that I really need to get back to life with my son because it's precious and all too soon I won't have this time.
I'd hug your neck and send you on your way...
I'd tell you that I've really been struggling with the fact that I can't have another baby...I mean, or even one. My son was adopted and he is perfect and everything surrounding bringing him home is perfect and I see the hand of God on the whole situation, but I'd by lying if I said I didn't yearn for another one. Combined with the fact that people around me are growing bellies at the speed of light, this thing is consuming me. So I gave it over to God...and in His time I'll have another or I won't. And I'm learning to be ok with that. It's been a process since 2005 when I had the surgery that put me in this position.
I'd tell you that I'm enjoying my quiet time. I really am enjoying it and I wish that I wouldn't have let so much time go by since I've truly and honestly sought out the Lord and his plan and will for my life. Its such a good thing...
I'd tell you that training for this 1/2 marathon is no laughing matter and there are days I want to run right back into the house, but I will do it. When it gets tough, I imagine my dad sitting in the hospital receiving chemo via needles, something he hated with a passion. And I think to myself, if my dad could endure that pain for 2 years, surely I can run a few more minutes. Besides, he is my motivation and I am running in his honor....
I'd tell you this song is really speaking to me right now.....so I'd want you to enjoy it too.
I'd tell you that I really need to get back to life with my son because it's precious and all too soon I won't have this time.
I'd hug your neck and send you on your way...
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